I Just Want Him Back but He Blocked Me

In today's guide I'm going to show you exactly what to do if your ex boyfriend blocked you on everything.

In fact, these are the same strategies used by our clients to successfully get unblocked by their exes,

If you stick around until the end of this complete guide you're going to learn,

Why exes block you and what it means
Why you need to understand the difference between a soft block and a hard block
What our success stories can teach you about getting unblocked
What specifically is working for our clients to get unblocked
If no contact can work if you've been blocked
Our step by step game plan for what to do if you've been blocked
The biggest mistakes people make when they've been blocked

Let's dive in!

Why Do Exes Block You And What It Means?

There are two big questions that we are going to be answering in this section.

Why exes block you
What it means if your ex blocks you

Let's tackle the easy one first.

Understanding Why Exes Block You

The key to understanding why exes block you lies in understanding the nature of anxious and avoidant attachments.

If you aren't familiar we estimate that the vast majority of our clients come to us with anxious attachment styles where their exes typically have avoidant attachment styles.

The intricate nature in which these attachment styles interact often will lead to a deeper understanding of why exes block one another.

According to Truer Love,

The first thing you need to understand is that Avoidant types have a tendency to romanticize past lovers or idealize yet-to-be-found future lovers, as both concepts keep true vulnerability at a safe distance. (https://www.truerlove.com/journal/why-avoidant-people-ghost-and-4-signs-to-help-you-see-it-coming)

Having this basic information about avoidant attachment styles will help you understand the cycle that ultimately causes them to block you after a breakup.

Here's the cycle:

They pursue someone with an anxious style aggressively.
The anxious person reciprocates
Cracks begin to form as the avoidant realizes this person might be too much.
The anxious person begins to worry that the avoidant person is pulling away and digs in further by exhibiting anxious types of behavior.
The avoidant person freaks out and often retreats inwardly by being silent because their independence is being threatened
The anxious person craves re-assurance that things are ok.
The avoidant person can't take it anymore and leaves
They then ultimately block the anxious person wanting to keep that person at a distance.

The cause and effect is important to understand here since it usually explains 90% of situations I encounter where one person has been blocked.

Let's move on and talk about what it means when you've been blocked.

Taking An Honest look At What It Means To Be Blocked

I'm not going to lie to you.

Tactically being blocked is just about one of the worst situations you can be in.

I've never encountered a "success story" where someone has successfully gotten an ex back without speaking to them.

At some point attraction needs to be rebuilt and it seems that being blocked completely prevents that from happening.

It's natural for clients to panic if they find themselves in this position.

Luckily, for the past ten years we've been doing extensive research on what being blocked looks like and one of the biggest insights that we've found is that by simply doing nothing you give yourself the best chance of getting unblocked.

For some odd reason exes have a tendency to block you and then unblock you at a later date.

For most this will be great news but we are dealing with a lot of anxiety here and telling an extremely anxious person to take something on faith is a little difficult.

Understanding The Difference Between A Hard Block And A Soft Block

Believe it or not but there are two types of categories that being blocked can be divided into.

The Soft Block
The Hard Block

It always shocks me how many people fail to understand which of these categories they fall into.

Here's a quick rundown of what each of these mean.

The Soft Block = A situation where your ex has blocked you ALMOST everywhere.

To date, these are the most common ways people communicate with their exes.

Texting
Phone Calls
Facebook Messanger
Instagram
Snapchat
WhatsApp
Twitter
Tinder
Email

And I'm probably forgetting a big "social media platform" but I think you get the picture.

"The soft block" assumes that your ex has blocked you on almost every single platform but they've left one small way of getting in contact.

I'd estimate that close to 80% of the clients I work with fall into this category.

The second category is a little more difficult to deal with.

The Hard Block: Takes a situation where your ex has blocked you EVERYWHERE

Scary, right?

But perhaps nothing is as frightening as what I'd like to talk to you about next.

False Positives With Soft Blocks

If you didn't already know, all of the clients I work with get access to a special private support group.

(They get extra goodies essentially. )

To date, there are a little over 6,000 members in the group.

Each has gone through a breakup and are there to support you throughout your journey.

Anyways, a few weeks ago I stumbled across this really interesting comment from one of my members,

Essentially what she was saying is that she was curious how the iPhone handled "blocked messages."

So, she had a friend block her and then she proceeded to send a message to her friend to see how the message behaved.

Predictably, her friend didn't receive the message.

Unpredictably, her iPhone considered the message "delivered."

You might be familiar with this language here when you send successful messages.

Turns out you can't rely on this 100% of the time.

So, how are you supposed to determine if your ex has blocked you via text message.

Honestly, my best piece of advice here is to combine two concepts.

Time
Responsiveness

If a lot of time goes by with your ex not being responsive at all then it is probably a clear indicator that you are blocked.

What is a good time frame to go on?

Honestly, it depends on a lot of factors.

I'd say trust your gut.

What Success Stories Can Teach Us About Being Blocked

Above I mentioned that I have this special support group for my clients.

Perhaps one of the biggest assets of having a group like that is I get to communicate with people using my program all at once.

I also get to see a lot of success stories.

So, in preparation for this article I decided to look through the group in the last year for success stories when it came to getting unblocked.

My only goal was to determine if I could find any kind of consistency or through line I could use to teach you.

In all, I was able to find seven unblocking success stories.

Unblocking Success Story #1

Lesson Learned = Her ex admitted to unblocking her from time to time to check on her. This might indicate that exes seem to put up a "cool" front so that they look fine on the outside when they aren't on the inside.

Unblocking Success Story #2:

Lesson Learned= Be patient apparently.

Unblocking Success Story #3:

Lesson Learned= This particular person has something really interesting to say. Her ex blocked her on Facebook but that didn't stop her from going out and having a good time. Upon our advice she posted the pictures on Facebook and a week later she gets unblocked.

This would seem to indicate that even if you are blocked your ex still pays attention to your photos.

Unblocking Success Story #4:

Lesson Learned: This person did something interesting. She determined that she was blocked pretty much everywhere except email. So, if you were paying attention above you'd notice that she would be categorized as a "soft block"

After a few months of communicating through email unblocking became natural.

Unblocking Success Story #5:

Lesson Learned: This one was inconclusive because she didn't provide enough data.

Unblocking Success Story #6:

Lesson Learned: Again, this one isn't conclusive from an "unblocking" standpoint but she did have something interesting to say from her historical experience when it came to dating.

In her experience exes tend to block you because they are "lashing out."

She also seems to imply that getting an ex to unblock you is simply a matter of riding it out.

Unblocking Success Story #7:

Lesson Learned: This woman seems to come down on the side of patience. She states that it is usually only a matter of time before you are unblocked.

What Is Working For Our Clients To Get Unblocked

If you are anything like me then you are probably a fiend for connivence and want all of what I just jotted down in one simple place for you to glance at.

Consider this to be your "unblocking" cheat sheet.

Exes have admitted to "unblocking" you temporarily to see what you are up to
They will pay attention to you on Facebook even when they have you blocked
Posting pictures of you going out and having a good time is a good idea
If you are in a "soft block" make sure you use your other means of communication
One of the primary reasons exes will block you is because they are "lashing out"
Patience seemed to be important
If you go long enough without doing anything "crazy" your ex can unblock you

I'd like to add on to this by telling a story.

The Brilliant Tactic One Of My Clients Used To Get Unblocked

I can't take credit for this particular tactic even though I'd like to.

For this one I'll have to nod to my client and thank her for letting me recommend it to you.

Here's the background.

My client was in a situation where she was in a "partial block."

She was able to communicate with her ex via text messages but she was blocked completely on Facebook.

Unsure of how to start a conversation with him on how to get him to "unblock her" she decided to do something brilliant.

Her ex was a big fan of the Miami Dolphins.

For those of you overseas that is a football team.

Anyways, Let's consider her ex a Miami Dolphins super fan.

She happened to be at one of the games and took a bunch of pictures with friends.

Naturally she posted the photos on Facebook and was sure that he'd love to see them. She was literally about to send the pictures manually over text message when she got an idea.

She sent him this text,

This subtly confronted the "blocking" issue and since he was such a super fan he was forced to unblock her to see the pictures.

You see, the brilliant part of this strategy doesn't lie in the execution but the carrot.

The only reason this worked for her was because she tempted her ex with something she knew he was passionate about.

This wouldn't have worked if she tried to entice him with ballerina pictures.

The greater the carrot the greater the chances of being unblocked become.

Can No Contact Work If You've Been Blocked

If you're familiar with "our process" then you're probably familiar with our fondness for the no contact rule.

So, what is it?

Well, our official definition defines it as,

A period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex. By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you

There's an implication within that definition that at some point your ex will learn that you're ignoring them which seems kind of difficult to occur if they're blocking you, right?

Well, this section is going to exclusively look at if the no contact rule can still be effective if you've been blocked.

Now, what I'm about to say is going to sound incredibly cliche but it's actually completely backed up by our success stories.

The point of the no contact rule should not be about "making an ex miss you." Rather, it should be about outgrowing your ex so you are more secure with the breakup.

Cliche, right?

So, in that sense the no contact rule can work for you but that's not what you really want to know is it?

No, what you want to know is if your ex can miss you during the no contact rule if they don't even know you're using it on them.

Remember above when I talked about this intricate dance that is done between anxious and avoidant attachment styles.

I made a statement that has been proven true time and time again about avoidant attachment styles.

"The first thing you need to understand is that Avoidant types have a tendency to romanticize past lovers or idealize yet-to-be-found future lovers, as both concepts keep true vulnerability at a safe distance."

We've even backed this up by learning about "when" avoidant attachment styles begin to miss you.

Hint Hint: It happens after they think you've completely moved on because they feel safe to tap into nostalgic reverie then.

Here's the point I'm getting at.

An ex who blocks you is exhibiting avoidant behavior and eventually a time will come where they will begin to think back on your time together fondly.

It technically doesn't matter if you use a no contact rule or not.

This will happen no matter what.

Now, there isn't a guarantee they are going to unblock you when this happens because we want to be realistic about this.

What a no contact rule can do for you is give you that extra benefit of ensuring your mindset is right.

But enough chit chat let's get to the good stuff.

Exactly What To Do If Your Ex Blocks You

There are four big steps I'd like you to implement if you find yourself in a situation where you've been blocked.

Remember, Most Exes Will Unblock You Without You Doing Anything
Implement A No Contact Rule
Utilize Social Media To Its Fullest
If You Are In A Soft Block Contact Your Ex After No Contact

Let's start from the top.

Most Exes Unblock You Without You Doing Anything

Well over 70% of our clients who were blocked by their exes ended up getting unblocked without them having to do anything.

So, technically your first step is to understand that statistics are on your side if you are simply patient and don't overreact.

We think the reason this occurs is two-fold.

Firstly, an exes decision to block you is an impulsive one and usually due to a fear of overdone anxious behaviors.

Secondly, most exes tend to exhibit avoidant behaviors and we know from studying avoidant exes that after enough time goes by they begin to romanticize their past relationships. Usually when this happens they want to unblock their exes to see what they are up to.

Understand that the odds are in your favor by simply doing nothing but being patient.

Implement A No Contact Rule

We need to stop viewing the no contact rule as this be all, end all reverse psychology concept that can make an ex miss you.

Yes, it can do those things but if that's all you are looking for from it you're missing the entire point.

The point of no contact should be to outgrow your ex so that by the time you are complete with your timeframe you aren't even sure if you want your ex back anymore.

This gives you such an edge because when you contact your ex they'll sense something is different about you.

Utilize Social Media To It's Fullest

Most of the success stories we interviewed who got unblocked by their exes admitted to the fact that their exes would often unblock them briefly on social media to see what they were up to.

Combining this with the fact that we know close to 90% of people Facebook stalk after a breakup it's a pretty good bet that your ex is paying attention to what you're up to even when you don't think they are.

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make after a breakup occurs when they completely give up on posting through social media because they don't think their exes are paying attention.

They are.

So, make sure you are posting on social media.

If you want to learn what you should be posting definitely check out this post.

If You Are In A Soft Block Contact Your Ex After No Contact

Being in a soft block implies that you are blocked on social media but still have access to your exes phone.

Your ex blocked your phone number but you still have access to them on social media.

If you are in a situation like this we still recommend you reach out via the unblocked area after no contact.

Why?

Well, we know from studying exes behavior during no contact that most of them actually won't reach out.

Over 60% of them to be exact.

This means that even if your ex is having the nostalgic reverie that we want them to have there is no guarantee that they will act on it.

Unblocking you may be as far as they go because the truth is they LOVE wanting you and they want that feeling to last.

So, in a case where you are in a soft block and they don't unblock you it's advisable for you to reach out via the means that you are unblocked on.

The end goal shouldn't be to try to convince them to come back. Rather, it should just be to have a short enjoyable conversation.

Hopefully if things go well then unblocking you in the areas where you are blocked becomes natural.

Of course, there's one scenario I haven't really talked about.

What To Do If Your Ex Doesn't Unblock You

What happens if you follow all of the steps I mentioned above but you are in a hard block and your ex hasn't unblocked you.

What should you do?

There are really only three options for you.

Wait
Speed Up The Nostalgia
The Hail Mary

Option One: Wait

Most people grow impatient when they've been blocked. Not only is it incredibly hurtful but it's annoying to be ignored.

Sometimes all you need to do is wait a little bit longer.

We are noticing that most of our clients end up being blocked for 1-4 months after a breakup.

This is a LOONNNGGG time.

So, if it hasn't been four months yet then you need to just remain patient.

Option Two: Speed Up The Nostalgia

Remember, people with avoidant attachments won't begin to truly miss you until they think there is no chance that a reunion can happen.

Only then will their nostalgia kick in.

So, one of the best ways to speed up the nostalgia is to begin going on dates with other people.

Post about it on social media.

Remember, less is more.

We don't want you posting a picture where you're making out with the date but it's ok to post a picture with other people or putting yourself in environments where you can be potentially hit on.

Option Three: The Hail Mary

If you've tried everything above and you are still blocked then it has likely been 4+ months without hearing from them at all.

You've been on dates with other people.

Your social media game is on fire.

If all that has occurred and you are still in a hard block then there's one more thing that you can try but I actually wouldn't advise it.

It's incredibly controversial and I haven't actually seen it work.

(Not the greatest endorsement)

You can buy a new phone, change your phone number and send a mass text out to your contacts list letting them know you've changed your number and this is your new one.

Make something up about your old phone being shattered.

Again, I've never seen this actually work before. Most of our clients get unblocked before they reach this point.

Hard blocks are rare as well.

Nevertheless, this is the Hail Mary. The one action you take if you're not expecting to get a response.

Me personally, I don't think an ex is worth changing a number for.

But that's me.

I Just Want Him Back but He Blocked Me

Source: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/my-ex-blocked-me-on-everything/